The Night

The nights are the hardest for me right now. Every breath, every tiny pain, every phantom discomfort, is magnified by ten. I’m scared all hours of the night. Am I going to have another heart attack this night?? Maybe it’ll be a stroke this time. I think about how close I was to death. I can’t rest even though I know I need 7 to 8 hours of sleep in order to heal and be healthy. Before my heart attack, I only slept 4 to 6 hours. I sit and calculate the hours I can get in before my alarm goes off at 5:30. Right now, that’s only going to be 5 1/2 if I pass out this minute. My mind tires me out, but my fears keep me awake. I’m doomed.